Kody was always a big supporter of the LGBTQ+ community. We’re not going to talk specifically about Kody’s sexuality and gender. I feel it is enough to say that it wasn’t simple and was especially challenging for him due to some of the views held by family members about this community. We had many conversations about how difficult it was for him to exist in the world where he didn’t feel like he could be himself. It was hard to hear that a lot of his depression centered around the feeling he couldn’t be himself.

I remember a very specific conversation with Kody’s father that made Kody very angry and sad. Both Kody and his father worked in machining at the time. The environment of a machine shop is very much a boy’s club feel. This makes it especially challenging for anyone to differ from the “norm”. There was a man who worked at his dad’s shop who came in with pink sparkly nail polish. Kody’s dad bragged about the way that the people at his shop treated this person poorly. He talked about how this type of person couldn’t possibly fit into the machine shop. The people at the shop essentially picked on this guy until he quit. I remember Kody quickly getting his father off the subject.

After that conversation, Kody was so mad. He went home angry and sad. “How could they do that,” was his continual statement. Not being accepted in his line of work was already something Kody struggled with. Hearing that story from his father touched a nerve. I believe that his worries about being accepted in his workplace both when he was in the Navy and in machining was a huge part of Kody’s anxiety around work.

My own views on gender and sexuality are very open. I have no trouble accepting people with a wide range of gender and sexuality designations. It is very challenging for me to understand a world in which people are not open to these things. I love people for who they are and their sexuality and gender is just an innate part of that. There isn’t a choice when it comes to this, so when people who feel their sexuality or gender isn’t accepted especially by people they love, its easy to feel rejected.

The Trevor Project is focused specifically in supporting people in the LGBTQ+ community during times of crisis. Their work connects LGBTQ+ youth with those who are specifically trained to help them at times of crisis. They offer a range of options including texting, calling, and chatting software to reach youth who are at risk. One of the reasons for this this is that members of the LGBTQ+ community are at much higher risk of suicide than other populations. The Trevor Project states that LGBTQ+ youth are four times more likely to consider suicide, plan for suicide, and attempt suicide.

My take away on this is that support for the LGBTQ+ community is critical to preventing depression and suicide. When people get stuck in beliefs that people in the community have a choice in their sexuality or gender, it makes it challenging for people to feel accepted in their world. Not feeling accepted, was a major part of Kody’s depression.

It’s no one’s fault that Kody didn’t feel accepted especially as he gave very few people the chance to know more about his sexuality and gender. I’m not sure even I knew the extent of it. He once told me, “I don’t want to live in a world where I have been hiding my real self. I’ve never been able to feel authentic. I’ve never felt safe enough to express my real thoughts and feelings.” No one should have to live with this feeling. Spreading the acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community can only help keep these unique and wonderful humans alive.