One of the things that Kody and I always planned to do, was go to Lake Cle Elum & Roslyn, a tiny Washington town where Northern Exposure was filmed. Kody and I were both obsessed with the show. The small town feel was something we’d grown up with, so visiting the town was always on our radar. Going over there was a big adventure to undertake as it meant a long drive and a full day. Finding a day where Kody was healthy enough to go, was seriously challenging since depression made a trip like that impossible.

We actually ended up going after he’d left and while we were working on selling our house. He’d gone with family, but wanted to go on this trip with me as well. We later referred to it as our perfect day. The drive over, we talked effortlessly just catching up with each other the way friends do. When we stopped in Roslyn, we walked around, checking out the iconic mural. Our steps took us to a gift store still stuffed with Northern Exposure items. Kody purchased a cup there with the name of the radio station in the show on it.

After grabbing lunch in town, we headed over to the lake. Neither Kody or I were ever big lake swimmers. We preferred the river where the water wasn’t so stagnant. However, Lake Cle Elum is a huge lake, much more like swimming in a bay. The weather was perfect for swimming. We jumped in the water and just enjoyed the feel of being surrounded by the beauty of the day. Sun shown and not a cloud was in the sky. When I close my eyes and think back to the day, I can still feel the perfection of those moments. There is warmth in the sun and the sky, but also warmth in the memory of the moments. We sat on chairs along the shore of the lake, watching someone struggle to unstick their truck from the deep mud at the lake’s edge.

I watched Kody dive under the water swimming in a way I only ever saw him swim. With a mischievous smile, he’d submerge and dip out of sight. I’d feel a tug on my ankle as he swam by trying to startle me. Kody was like a dolphin when he swam, so agile. He never looked more at home than when he was in the water. While I enjoy the water, an incident where I almost drown as a child has always made me nervous of it. When I was with Kody, I never feared the water. To him the water was a friend. He could dive deep to the bottom and retrieve rocks and bottle caps. He’d sneak up behind me under water and scoop me up stealing me into deeper water while I screamed and laughed.

On that day, we were triumphing over depression. Kody wore the biggest smile the whole time, really in the moment. Our worries stayed far behind on the other side of the mountain. It felt as if on that day we were stealing something from the life of someone else. Taking a chapter of perfection for our own. Many times later, Kody would talk about that day at Lake Cle Elum

I remember in the months leading up to his death, he went back there with a friend. That night he thanked me profusely for the day we’d spent together. He’d fought to recapture the joy of that moment, but it wasn’t the same. There was just something about that day that remained a glowing beacon of hope. A proof that he could feel something beyond pain. We’d kept depression at bay and stolen moments of pure happiness.