On the day Kody left the world, I woke up and something felt wrong. It’s a feeling that’s hard to explain especially when you don’t know what has happened yet. When I would send messages to Kody, his response was usually quick. But even if it wasn’t, I seemed to know when he got them. If he hadn’t read something, my anxiety would begin.

On the day Kody left the world, I didn’t try reaching out to him early in the day. It was our wedding anniversary. A previously agreed upon date where we didn’t usually talk much or at all. When I got home from work, the cats were being so cute curled up in the chair. So I had to take a picture. When I sent it, I felt emptiness on the other end of the connection. And I was immediately alarmed.

On the day Kody left the world, I told my mom that something wasn’t right, that someone needed to try to get a hold of him. Call it some psychic ability or just a strength of connection. A premenition? Call it whatever makes sense to you. But somehow I knew he was gone. It wasn’t until Monday morning that I heard from his sister that he was missing. I wasn’t surprised. Just more worried.

On the day that Kody left the world, I received a warning from my inner self. A deep foreboding of what was to come. So I wasn’t surprised, a week later when they found his body. I wasn’t surprised, but at the same time I was broken.

Since the day that Kody left the world, I haven’t been the same. I miss him more than words can express. There are so many feelings still, five months later. Anger, sadness, guilt, and overwhelming greif. I’m not sure what to do now his depression has won.

On the day Kody left the world, he left my world forever changed.