When it comes to grief, optimism doesn’t usually factor in. There definitely isn’t a sixth stage of grief that is finding optimism. However, I’ve chosen to find optimism in grief. Originally the optimism looked like an almost nihilistic view. Nothing will feel as bad as today. Tomorrow will be better because today is so terrible. As time has passed, that has changed to really believing that things will be okay again. Nothing will be the same. But it will be okay.

More recently, I have started to look for the bonus fries in my life. Now what is a bonus fry? This is a Kodyism. Whenever we got fast food, he would claim the bonus fries. These are the ones that fall to the bottom of the bag. He always used to say that the bonus fries were the best ones. They’re an unexpected treat at the end of a meal. When you think all the fries are all gone, they are there to surprise you.

Some of the bonus fries in my life right now have been some special bright spots. An unexpected corgi puppy coming into my life is one example. Another is the beautiful clovers coming up in my yard. Not completely unexpected as I planted them, but the beauty and perfection of these little leaves is an unexpected joy in my life. Something as simple as a sunset can be a big bonus in my life.

When life has been so challenging, I just keep trying to focus on the bonus fries. These moments are the things that make me happy. They are the things that keep me going even when everything is challenging. Beautiful bright moments of life are what makes life worth living. Finding optimism in grief is difficult, but helps me to push through.