Wow does that title sound terrible out of context. Puts in mind a zombie attack. In this case, I’m not talking undead. I’m talking about a visitation from someone who has passed. If you don’t know what one is, the basic gist is that the person who has passed comes to you, usually in a dream like state. Kody, who died by suicide, came to me this morning early to talk and leave me with some encouragement.

Now, you can debate whether visitations are real or not, but I believe in them and have experienced them with many of the major deaths in my life so far. For the one this morning, I woke at 4:15am. I felt incredibly awake and aware of everything around me. I remember closing my eyes, thinking to try going back to sleep. There was a short time before my alarm would go off again. For a moment, I went back to thinking over my prior dream, one where my friends and I were driving in the car with my mom.

Kody interrupted my thoughts almost immediately. He looked nothing like himself, but my soul recognized him immediately. In the way I recognize everyone in my soul family. If I had to describe him, I would say that he was warmer and wearing that real glowing smile that reached every part of his body. The one I saw in real life very few occasions. He immediately wrapped me in one of his famous Kody hugs, so that my face was entirely buried in his chest. The warmth of it flowed through me, out of my head and all the way down to my toes. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

After the hug, he smiled down at me and thanked me for so many things. He thanked me for our perfect day, the one we shared along the shore of Lake Cle Elum. He told me how much he appreciated the moments that we shared together. How much he was able to learn from his experience here with me. It makes me cry writing it, but in the moment, I was filled with happiness. I could feel his love for me surrounding me and see it in a very tangible rainbow of color.

As we continued to speak, a scene materialized around us. We were standing on a hill overlooking a beautiful valley filled with trees. The whole world spread beneath us as we sat together and talked. Just spending time together like old times. Nothing specific stands out from our conversation beyond his original thank you. It was just a moment of peace and having his presence around me again.

My alarm for work jarred me out of the moment, throwing me immediately into a space of disconnect and confusion. It took longer than usual for me to orient myself with where I was and what day it was. There were many more moments before I remembered that Kody was dead. However, the dream left behind a connection, more real than before. I could focus and immediately feel what it was like to have him there beside me. It is a feeling that is at once painful and beautiful. In it, is the melancholy of having him here but not in physical human being form.

Visitations like this are reminders that those who we have loved never leave us fully. Kody is still here, still so close, but just not in the body that caused him so much pain. He is alive with joy, love, and laughter. His soul continues to glow brilliantly.