In grief, it is easy to get so bogged down in the ickyness that we forget a lot of the great things that came from the person missing in our lives. Kody taught me some of the most valuable lessons of my entire life. I don’t want to lose that in talking about grief, depression, and suicide. Part of embracing grief is looking at these gifts and appreciating them.

One of the most valuable gifts that Kody gave me was the courage to travel alone. When Kody joined the Navy and went off to bootcamp, I was so proud of him. Growing up in a small town seeing someone I grew up with going into the world and facing the unknown, was huge for me.

I have always been a homebody, happier within four miles of where I grew up than anywhere else in the world. Watching Kody go off and make new friends, experience new places, and take on new experiences made the idea of doing anything like this so much easier. I could see how he’d gotten so much from doing this.

Later, when Kody and I started dating he was still stationed in Saratoga Springs, NY, an eight hour flight away from home. This meant that for the first time in my life, I faced traveling on my own. That first time flying to New York was absolutely terrifying. Not made easier by the fact that everything that could go wrong pretty much did. I was buying airplane tickets on a college student budget and last minute ones at that, so it was one of those stop and switch planes twice budget type flights. This led to me running from one end of the Detroit airport to the other, getting stuck overnight in strange cities, taking the scariest plane ride of my life through a thunderstorm, and several other completely chaotic situations over the time he was stationed across the country from me.

Surprising myself, I found that I was good at this. By the end of the school year, I knew how to pack perfectly in just carry on luggage. I knew how to get through airport security without holding anyone up. I knew how to book the right flights, get on the right airlines, and more than all this to do something many grown adults never learn how to do. I can travel alone with confidence. To the point where I was so confident, I signed up to do a study abroad trip that summer in Ireland.

To this day, the ability to travel on my own is a gift that keeps giving. I have gotten to travel to so many amazing places. I was able to go with Kody to help him move back across the country and to help another friend with the same process. My journey to Ireland and a mini trip to Stonehenge that I took directly after is something that still is just so special to me. To this day, I can travel alone and enjoy spaces I visit by myself.

In the last few weekends, I’ve driven down to Oregon on solo trips. I have had wonderful experiences with just me and my dogs. Being able to be alone and not lonely when I leave like this is completely because of him. Without Kody in my life, I don’t think I’d ever have been pushed to travel and learn how to do it on my own. One of the most amazing parts of him that continues to resonate in my life is this confidence he helped me to build.