After a long journey to a depression diagnosis, Brandon found himself facing the new challenge of finding the right treatment for depression. As with Kody’s journey, this wasn’t as simple as just getting a pill and immediate relief. Each medication takes about a month to reach therapeutic effect, so when something doesn’t work, you’re heading back to square one and waiting for medication to take effect.
For Brandon, the treatment included medication and therapy, so when he started his first antidepressant he was also bouncing around between therapists. Just like finding the right medication, finding the right therapist isn’t always straight forward. Brandon says, “Honestly, finding a therapist is a lot like dating. You have to talk openly and see if you work well together, keep searching for the one.”
He didn’t click well with his first therapist, and felt she was condescending. She seemed to dismiss his feelings. He says, “I kinda wanted to commit suicide just to spite her and add her into the note.” So obviously, she wasn’t a good fit. The first medication was also not a good fit, having no effect at all. He stopped taking it suddenly and faced a few days of relentless suicidal thoughts. Luckily, he was able to convince himself it would pass.
The next few medications he tried had more side effects; rashes, drowsiness, dry mouth and also had little effect. A second therapist just wasn’t a good fit, so he moved on to a third. This therapist was a winner. He says she, “gave me clear actions and strategies to ground my emotions.” This helped keep him stable while he was searching for different medications that might help.
During this time period, he started to develop panic attacks on top of the depression. This got so bad that he would wake up from relaxed sleep to panic attacks. These panic attacks combined with the depression. “When the depression got bad, bam, panic attack,” he explains. His therapist convinced him to join group therapy and participate in a program called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Brandon says, “the idea was that we would use our wise mind to try and understand our emotional mind to make a reasonable mind, then figure out what actions to use when the emotional side is uncontrollable.”
He also learned many different techniques to help with the panic attacks. The most useful tactic for him was to use extreme temperature changes such as grabbing an ice pack or going outdoors with no coat on. Still, the underlying cause of many of the attacks was difficult to identify or it was the depression which was a long term issue.
He also was able to finally find a medication that worked and had side effects that he could live with. His mood began to improve and there was a month of relief from the depression. Unfortunately, as the month wore on a new side effect developed. The medication suppressed his stomach’s ability to feel full and increased his appetite. At a friends birthday party, he says, “I ate so much that I had to puke in the bathroom. Immediately felt starving with no nausea. That’s when I realized that I should get off this medication.” This meant going back to depression to get rid of the side effects.
Brandon had tried many different meds, dealt with a variety of side effects, and only had success with one of the ones he had tried. This frustrating journey had to continue.