While the first part of this blog focuses on my personal struggles with my best friend’s suicide, I’d like to do some more reflection this year. My first year and three months of grieving have been mainly focused on distracting myself from grief. I have not lived 2022. I have only survived it. For 2023 I want to work on moving forward, living more, and bringing more joy to my life. My goals for the New Year include bringing back parts of me I have lost.

Something I have avoided mostly since my best friend died is music. It is incredibly challenging for me to listen to music without thinking about Kody. It was rare to see Kody without an ear bud in. Upon reflection I am fairly certain he had one in his ear both the first time I ever met him and the last time I ever saw him.

Kody loved music. He collected it in large quantities. He listened to a wide range of music genres. Kody had an eclectic taste all his own. For this reason, I have been avoiding all kinds of music over the last year. I have been afraid to feel the feelings associated with various songs.

Among my goals for the New Year is listening to Kody’s CD collection. I have kept the collection in my garage since retrieving it from Kody’s apartment. While Kody mostly listened to music digitally, he would purchase the CDs he bought online so he’d have a physical copy of it. It was important to him to have each of these.

Today, I brought the CDs into my home and set up my new CD player. I had to buy one as I don’t own a car with a CD player or a computer with a disc drive. My plan is to listen to a different CD every week from the collection. There are somewhere around 42 CDs. Presuming, I do this most weeks it’ll take most of the year.

For me, I hope the experience brings some closure. I hope that it allows me to open up a new chapter of my life. With luck, it will take me on a trip through memories and help me to reach a new stage of my grief journey.