Grief dulls with time. In the first week or so, I woke up in the morning and was rocked when I remembered that Kody was dead. I would go to work and cry all the way there and cry all the way home after.

Five months later the grief isn’t that all encompassing. There are times where I reflect and just feel deep sadness, but I am out of tears. I am not so focused on grief. But it still sneaks up on me.

I don’t think that I totally understood the concept of triggers until after Kody died. The things that set off waves of grief are sometimes so ridiculous. Today for example a commercial for Carnation instant breakfast triggered me. Kody used to keep that in our cupboard all the time. It was something he’d loved from his childhood.

When I saw the commercial, it sent me spiraling into memory. I saw him standing in the kitchen mixing the powder with milk. Him teasing his sister about drinking it all and not sharing. And him receiving it as a gift from his sister as well. These are memories that are so everyday. So normal. They’re the everyday moments that mean so much.

I wonder if I have to experience all those everyday memories before the grief goes away. It will take a lifetime to go through them all. But I’m pretty sure that’s how grief works anyhow.