When we were still in high school, Kody and I loved going on long walks. For a while there, almost every weekend, we’d take a ten mile walk down the centennial trial. The walks were for him and for I to just walk and talk, enjoying each other’s company. Kody would grab sticks off the side of the trial to poke me with or joyously skip ahead of me. We shared his weekends before bootcamp walking on the trail just laughing and having fun. Some of the best memories I reflect on are moments where we were on a walk. This was before living with depression and all that would bring for us.
Out on the trail, we didn’t mind if it was raining or if it was sunny out. We would walk for hours sometimes with many words exchanged, some with complete silence. Together we discussed drama in our friend group, my final assignments of high school, and our hopes and dreams for the future. I remember very few specifics of these walks together. Mostly, I remember the feeling of those moments. Even on the rainy days, walking brought us moments of joy. Some of the walks were ones that we took in the pouring rain. On those days, we’d return to my car, soaked to the skin and laughing.
The feel of those walks together is the feel of true friendship. I can close my eyes and feel the light and warmth of those days where we walked together. Talk was easy, words flowed simply, and silence was golden. We were off on a new adventure every single time even though we walked the same trail. He inspired me to walk to where the trail ended. To run the final stretch to the parking lot even though we were both exhausted.
Before we both were living with depression hanging over us, we shared pure moments of joy on the trial together. At nineteen, we felt ready to take on the world. Even though we didn’t know where it would take us next. He was headed off to bootcamp and I was going to start my college journey after graduation. Our paths diverged and that felt scary.
Our walks in the rain didn’t always last as long as the walks in sunnier weather. Some especially rainy days meant our walks were cut short. Still, we took to the trails even on the stormier days. Always willing to brave the storms on the off chance the sun might come out.
When I look over all the days I knew Kody, I know there were plenty of stormy days due to his struggle in living with depression. Our days together could be tumultuous and even scary when the weather was especially bad. The sunny days grew further apart, but they still shown through as beacons of hope. I wish I’d known better how to walk in that rain. Perhaps the end of our story would be different, if we’d only mastered the art of walking in the rain.