For those with tattoos, a memorial tattoo is a way of remembering those who’ve gone before us. Not everyone chooses to get a tattoo in memory of loved ones as it is obviously a large commitment. You’re choosing a piece of art to wear forever in the memory of a person you’ve lost. Choosing the right kind of tattoo may take months or even years after their death.

One of the things that hit me exceptionally hard after Kody’s death was that his beautiful tattoos were gone forever. Kody chose each of his tattoos with a lot of care and while he talked about many different tattoos that he planned to get in the future. In the end, to my knowledge, he only wore three. One was a leaf tattoo on his ring finger that we picked out and got together. One was a triforce on the back of his calf that he never quite felt was finished. He planned on adding the dark triforce either under it or on his other calf at a later time that never came. The last one was a large tree tattoo on his shoulder.

The tree tattoo was his first tattoo, one that he got from a friend of a friend while he was in the Navy. He wanted to have some representation of the tree of life, but not in typical fashion. He worried that some of his family might not like this symbol and think of it as antichristian. The tree instead flowed beautifully with reaching leaves at the top and roots at the bottom.

Since it was on the back of his shoulder, mostly people didn’t see it. He relished the fact that there was one leaf at the very top, that peaked over ever so slightly. This tiny glimpse of it, only for himself. Whenever we were swimming, people would come up and ask about it. Kody’s fast answer in response to questions was, “It’s a family tree.” Only if people asked him if it was a representation of the tree of life did he occasionally nod.

After Kody died, I knew that I wanted to honor him with a tree tattoo of my own. Finding the correct design for this memorial tattoo, took some time. I didn’t just want the same tattoo as he had, but a complementary piece. We had often talked about me getting a tattoo in the same place as his. Always more of a joke, as at the time I never wanted a tattoo on my back. Kody told me during his session on his tree how painful that tattoo was. I didn’t think I had the commitment for that.

It took me over six months to find a concept piece for my tattoo artist to work off of. I knew I wanted the tattoo to be special, like and unlike his tattoo in different ways. The tree on Kody’s back was crowned with green leaves. Mine is a tree in the fall.

I also added lettering, special as I have no other lettering in any of my tattoos. The lettering reads “September 22nd.” This of course is not only the day Kody died, but our anniversary. My artist asked if I wanted the year. I told him no. This tattoo for me represents Kody’s life and death. Fall is both the end and the beginning, just as that date was an end and a beginning.