When it comes to grief, there are moments that bring everything back and make the wound raw again. It could be a song that comes on the radio, a off hand comment, or a picture you haven’t seen in a long time. I had one of those moments recently while scrolling through Facebook. I am often ambushed by Facebook memories with picture of Kody, but this one took my breath away. A picture of Kody from 10 years ago on a Skype call when we lived far away from each other. The picture triggered memories of the past.

When Kody and I lived on opposite coasts of the United States, we stayed in touch with Skype calls. I always valued each moment since Kody had very limited time due to his second Navy school. He arrived home after working 15 hours and took time to call even when he was exhausted.

This picture of him is after one such day. I’m pretty sure it was a night where we just talked for a little bit. We always used to take pictures of each other on Skype and to tease each other about the results since they were typically awful. However this one is one of my favorites.

Kody is smiling at me in this picture. He looks so happy. His smile is beautiful as it’s one of the real ones. I can tell since it’s a smile that creases his brow and shows his dimples. His eyes are glowing with life and love. The picture perfectly captures him. This is Kody ten years ago, a version of him rare and long gone.

Memories of the past like this one overwhelm me. It is at once beautiful and crushing, elating and sorrowful. It reminds me that grief isn’t something that ever fades away. Greif can ambush me at any moment.