When I was working to begin this blog, I ran into a lot of information on how to write about suicide and discuss it “correctly”. There are many articles, that list some tips to help with writing about suicide. Not all of these tips are ones that are helpful to me. Some I find to be personally limiting as well. As a result, I will not be talking about suicide in the completely “correct” or accepted way. Doing so limits my ability to share the experience and allow those experiencing suicidal thoughts or coping with the depression of a loved one to feel supported and understood in this space. I’ll be discussing some of the typical rules outlined by others.

Rule One: Use Sensitive Language

I have discussed this somewhat in my blog The Problem with Suicide Terminology. Sometimes the “right” words aren’t the ones that naturally jump to your lips or well, keyboard, in this case. It sometimes feels like I need to say words that have a certain level of shock value. I will of course try using terms like “died by suicide” in lieu of “committed suicide” because I agree that the word committed makes suicide into a crime, rather than the tragedy it is. However, I’m not guaranteeing that some of my blogs might include such terms as “my best friend shot himself”, because these words are value for getting across some of the pain and horror of that moment.

Rule Two: Be Mindful of Making Suicide Seem Positive

This basically breaks down to avoiding talking about people after death being somewhere better than they were in life or making suicide tempting to others. I do not believe that suicide is the right answer in almost every single case, however, I do believe that there are some people who cannot be helped by the medical system. There may not be results for some people, like in Kody’s case. I am not saying everyone suffering from depression should go ahead and off themselves (see, not sensitive language), but I am saying that there are some cases where people will be unreachable, unsavable, and untreatable before they end their lives. I will continue to remind people that hope is out there and getting help is the first step.

Rule Three: Never Post The Contents of a Suicide Note

I will say, I am not going to be posting the full text of Kody’s note at any point or at least don’t plan to. However, there are words that he wrote that are meaningful to me and words he wrote that are essential to understanding his pain. I will be quoting these. It is likely I will add trigger warnings to these posts, but not guaranteed as I am human and may forget.

Rule Four: Never Post Details About Suicide Methods or Place a Suicide Occured

The general thought behind this rule is not to give people ideas. I’m sorry, but Kody’s story has shown me that people who want to kill themselves have a wide range of resources available online. They don’t need my blog to find a method that was successful. They definitely don’t need it to choose the perfect location based on where he did it. I suspect this one may have come from a time where people might only hear about suicide from news sources and not general access to the internet as a whole.

Rule Five: Consider Your Own Mental Health/ Wait for Distance Before Writing on Suicide

I suppose I will discover if this was an important rule to follow. Some resources recommend waiting at least a year between a loss and writing the story behind it. I can see the overall concern in this rule. Keep yourself safe first. Same principle as putting on an oxygen mask before helping others to do it on a plane. I have not waited a year. The start of this blog begins approximately five months after Kody’s death. I will try to let you know if it is damaging my mental health and will cross that bridge if I come to it.

My Own Rule: Once You Know the Rules You’re Allowed to Break It

This isn’t exactly my own rule, I’ll admit. It is the rule that I have been told by many of the writing teachers that I learned from over the years. The point of knowing the rules, is to know the reasons behind them. The point of breaking the rules is many. My point in breaking the rules discussed above, in the level that I will be breaking them, is to talk about suicide in a more direct way. My purpose in writing about suicide is to take on the taboo surrounding suicide and that means breaking some of the general rules that journalists follow when working around this subject.