When Kody died, the world lost someone who was capable of doing so much. One of the things Kody heard on a regular basis was how smart he was, how talented he was, how much more he could do. He had an exceptionally difficult time with this as he was constantly struggling with self worth.

One of the main problems Kody had in his life was that he felt frozen by the pressure that he received from the idea that he could be doing so much more. I tried for a really long time to get him to see that I at least saw his skills. I don’t think he ever believed me.

Kody was someone who was always very technically skilled and mechanically minded. He could do just about anything around the house. From fixing a toilet to installing new floors in my mom’s home, his talent was completely undeniable. Everyone who worked with him, knew when he was there he was getting great things done. I don’t know that Kody ever saw how incredible he was. He focused on the failures rather than his successes.

Kody often expressed that he didn’t feel that he was good enough. He wasn’t good enough to be a husband or an employee. When I complemented the floor he put in, all he could focus on were the small parts of the project that were imperfect. He always saw ways he could have done things better. Always was struggling with his own self worth.

I could never get Kody to see his incredible abilities. Or to acknowledge his own self worth. Any time I critiqued anything he just heard the negativity and never heard complements that I gave him at other times. I still wish I had done more, tried harder, criticized less. Even though it probably wouldn’t have made a difference. For Kody, a lack of self worth contributed to his depression. A feeling that he should be capable of more crushed him until he could take it no longer.