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Everyone says there is no timeline for grief. Yet when people ask me how I’m doing, I still feel pressure to not bother them with my problems. I tell them I’m okay. I force a smile. But I have a secret. I’m not fine. I’m not okay. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s been more than a year and it no longer feels okay to not be okay. My life is really good. I have a beautiful house, a wonderful husband, supportive friends and family members, a job I love. I am luckier than most. But there are some days that are still so difficult, some moments that are just so hard. I want my best friend back. <\/p>\n\n\n
\n<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n
Kody was such a constant in my life. Whenever I wanted to talk he was there. I could always rely on him to send me a funny picture or a video. Even after we divorced we were friends. Which is so rare. He was my cheerleader, always happy when anything went well for me. While I still have so many wonderful people in my life, he’s not replaceable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I recently read a post from someone talking about the death of their friend many years ago by suicide. The pain is still there. The pain is still raw. Is that what I have to look forward to? Years more of this? I’m told that things get better, but do they? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In another year how will I feel? In ten years? Twenty? Right now it feels like the pain will just stay around. And at the same time I’m scared that it won’t. I’m scared that I will forget him. I don’t want him to stop being a part of my life. So no, I’m not fine; I’m lying. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Everyone says there is no timeline for grief. Yet when people ask me how I’m doing, I still feel pressure to not bother them with my problems. I tell them I’m okay. I force a smile. But I have a secret. I’m not fine. I’m not okay. It’s been more than a year and it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"WB4WB4WP_MODE":"","WB4WP_PAGE_SCRIPTS":"","WB4WP_PAGE_STYLES":"","WB4WP_PAGE_FONTS":"","WB4WP_PAGE_HEADER":"","WB4WP_PAGE_FOOTER":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[11,17],"class_list":["post-730","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-suicide-loss-grief","tag-grief-after-suicide-loss","tag-suicide-loss-survivor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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