We wanted to have all the paperwork done before the actual wedding. We chose to get married legally on the summer solstice since our wedding was happening on the fall equinox. It was just a small little ceremony with some witnesses under a tree in the park in Port Gamble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being there again this weekend was extremely challenging. That town has changed so little in the intervening years so it is difficult to avoid the triggers of grief. It is the same place that it was when Kody and I were young and hopeful. The rest of the world has changed. A lifetime has passed, but it is still the same place. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t know whether it was the sameness of the place that got to me most or the overall threat of change. When I last stood on that spot with Kody, we were looking into a more certain future. One that was fantasy, I now know. What else is uncertain? What else is unfixed? I know the answer now. Everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I stood in that same spot again as if tipping on the precipice of the cliffside that once seemed like firm ground. I don’t live in the world I lived in then. Kody is gone. I am left with a new level of cynicism that will never go away. I am realizing that a lot of grief is in mourning the part of yourself you lose with the person you grieve. Traveling familiar roads, visiting the same places, brings it all back. The days are getting easier overall, but sometimes the triggers of grief are unavoidable, even during happy times.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Grief is unpredictable and manifests unexpectedly through triggers like songs and places. A weekend trip to Poulsbo and Port Gamble reminded me of times spent with Kody, highlighting the unchanged nature of these places versus the profound changes in their own life. The experience underscored the enduring impact of grief and loss.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":956,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"WB4WB4WP_MODE":"","WB4WP_PAGE_SCRIPTS":"","WB4WP_PAGE_STYLES":"","WB4WP_PAGE_FONTS":"","WB4WP_PAGE_HEADER":"","WB4WP_PAGE_FOOTER":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[11,61,17],"class_list":["post-953","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-suicide-loss-grief","tag-grief-after-suicide-loss","tag-stages-of-grief","tag-suicide-loss-survivor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\n